Gladys pushed the revolver away from her face, if she was gonna die, she was gonna die with her dignity. “Listen Junior, stress makes me break out. You don’t need to point that thing at me, it’d give me pimples.”

The young boy with the gun stammered a bit, then stepped back still aiming the gun at her. “We’re holding up the ship, and that means you too. Everyone to the…” he looked down at something written on his hand, “Carona Lounge.”

 Gladys threw back the covers of the bed revealing a bright pink bustier with matching underwear. She’d had too many years of feeling insecure of her body, now she was gonna celebrate the new boobies Doctor Rainier made for her. She watched his face turn red and smiled as she grabbed a white frilly robe and covered up. She walked over to the bathroom and stopped when he made a choklng noise.

“We’ve got to go to the Margarita.” He choked out. She turned and looked at him, “You said Carona but it’s all drinks to me. May I go to the bathroom first?” He nodded and lowered the revolver.

She went into the bathroom and closed the door, waited a few seconds then pulled her cell phone from her bra. You never know when a girl’s gotta make a call. She was afraid to make a phone call so she stopped and wondered how she was gonna cry for help. She had inspiration as she stared at the bottle of Bouffont Curlie Q Hair Shampoo sitting by the sink. Gay, ship taken over by terrorist, must help. She hit send hoping that the ship was close enough to land that her SOS would find just the right person to help them. Gladys put the cell phone back in her bra, checked her image in the mirror and figured that she could use her assets and help stall until help arrived.

**

 It was just another day, the sun shining as it hit the golden scissors at the Perfect Curl Salon in Perlington, MS. Gaylord Pelman picked up the scissors and watched as they glinted, “Good morning precious, shall we create the perfect curl?” The scissors seemed to agree with him, they glinted into his eyes, Gay spent the night before polishing the scissors, their perfect shine winked at his cell phone sitting on the kitchen counter. Gay noticed that the red light on his phone was blinking.

Myrtel found her husband pacing in the kitchen phone to his ear. “I know that you just talked to the captain and it was fine, but my sister….” There were a few more grunts from Gay prompting Myrtel to stand and wait, “What’s going on?” She asked as he hung up the phone.

Gay put his hands on his hips and paused a minute processing what was happening before briefing his wife. “Damnest thing honey. Look.” He opened his cell phone and handed it to his wife.

Myrtel stared at the text message for a minute. “Terrorists? Do you think Gladys has too much of the Boonesfarm?”

Gay paced the kitchen. “I don’t know. I just called the cruise line and they said they talked to the captain and the ship was fine. I’ve tried calling Big Daddy and he’s not answering his phone, Patchouli and Herb are not answering their phone. It’s just….”

Gay looked over to the scissors, Myrtel followed his eyes. “What are the scissors telling you honey? Do they say something’s wrong?” Gay picked up the scissors, “I feel that there is something wrong. Gladys does like to hit the Tickle Me Pink Boonesfarm on vacation….”

“And she is a free and easy woman now…” continued Myrtel. “But, I feel that there is something wrong.” Gay said and put the scissors down on the table. “Then we gotta do something,” Myrtel said putting her hand on top of Gay’s on the scissors. They paused for a moment, “What are we gonna do?” Myrtel asked.

“We’re gonna go save our family,” Gay said.

“Right on! How are we gonna do that?” Myrtel asked. Gay picked up the scissors and held them high, “The Pelman Way!”

By Myrtel Pelman

The beautiful sun was rising slowly as the Pelman family tried to catch a few last minutes of sleep.  Peggy Lou lay next to Big Daddy listening to him snore.  She sniffed the air and wrinkled her nose, then sniffed the air again.  Finally with a hefty sigh she dug her elbow into Big Daddy’s chest.

“Isadore honey, please get up and brush your teeth.  Your mouth smells like a cigar sewer.”

Isadore “Big Daddy” Pelman was right in the middle of a luscious dream, that involved two Cuban girls rolling big fat cigars on their bellies and handing them to him “at no charge.”  He rolled over and ignored his beautiful wife in favor of clinging on to the luscious dream for a few more minutes.

Peggy Lou sniffed the air again then sighed as her husband didn’t move.  She started to roll over when she noticed the smell was not coming from Big Daddy’s side but right in front of her.  “Isadore?”

Big Daddy finally relented from the dream and opened one eye.  Both popped open as they stared down the barrel of a shot gun pointed at the tip of his nose….

**

Patcholi Pelman was finishing up a hot shower early the same morning.  She was glad to be back in running water after the hot sands of Asia for a few years.  Finally she had her husband, Herb back where she could see him, even if he still had some camoflauge in his overnight bag.  Lord, that man did know how to disappear when he was wearing the camo!  Herb’s years in Army were coming to a close as his head was too full of secret codes and combinations to accept any more.  His bosses knew it was time to call it quits when he spouted off the coordinates for the “red Button” the president pushes when they asked him to punch in 1 minute on the microwave.  Patchouli knew that this break from the spoils of war and his job was a great way to pull Herb away from the edge.  The cruise was a great idea, away where he couldn’t see the news, where his cell phone didn’t work, where he couldn’t get reception through the metal fillings in his mouth.

She dried off with a towel and was starting to lube up the skin when the door to the shower flew open.  Herb stood there in all his glory, the only thing that was not au natural was the knife clenched between his teeth.

“Herb, we already played Army Man last night.  Can’t we play star crossed lovers this morning?”

Herb looked both ways then jumped into the bathroom and shut the door.  He turned to Patchouli and grabbed her by the shoulders.  “The ship’s been compromised, patchie.  There’s a sleeper cell on the ship!”

Patchouli looked at her husband, “A sleeper cell?  How do you know that?”  She wondered if maybe he did still get reception through his teeth.

“I looked outside the door and there were men in pajamas marching people down the hallway with guns!”

“Honey, don’t you think it’s time you took a break from work.  They said that as you start separating from the Mother Ship that you’ll have these types of hallucinations.”  She tried to pat his cheek.  He jumped from her into the shower and pulled the curtain shut.

The door to the bathroom slammed open as two men stood in lounge pants and muscle shirts.  Damn, he was right, there was a sleeper cell on board the ship.  Patchouli put her hands up knowing that Herb was behind her with a weapon.  Thank goodness he didn’t want to play Army Man this morning, then he wouldn’t have a weapon, well the weapon he DID have was very capable.  For her that is, she didn’t want Herb to kill the two men, when 4 others came into the room she knew that she had to save her husband.

“You need to come with us.  We’ve taken over this ship.”  One of the guys said, Patchouli was surprised for a terrorists sleeper cell they all seemed to have deep Southern Accents and beer bellies.

“Are you a sleeper cell?”  She asked looking at the lounge pants.

The guys looked at her like she’d lost her mind, then down at their lounge pants.  “Naw, they lost our luggage and this was all that fit us in the gift shop.”

Patchouli sighed, atleast that meant that no one had dynamite under their muscle shirts.  With the way the fabric stretched tight against their bellies, they couldn’t have gotten away with dynamite anywhere.  They poked a gun at her and she expected Herb to jump from the shower.  She was surprised when they pulled the shower curtain back and her husband had disappeared!  Man, that guy could camoflauge himself anywhere!

“Can I get some clothes on then?”  She asked pointing to her clothes lying on the bed, her trusty Birkenstocks lying next to them.

They threw the clothes at her and shut the door to let her change.  “Herb?  Herb?”  She looked around the bathroom, her husband was really gone.  Patchouli came out and followed the sleeper cell out into the hallway of the ship.  She walked past Peggy Lou in her white housecoat, curlers still in her hair.  Big Daddy saw his daughter and reached out to her, as they hugged he said, “There’s been a hijacking on the ship darling!  These men have guns!”

Patchouli whispered back, “Herb got away Big Daddy.  Everything will be just fine.”

Shine on!

Kelly Melang

The porch was still, the air holding the heat of the day.  Big Daddy, Teddy Turner, Gaylord and Jackson sat in the rocking chairs smoking their cigars as their wives sat on the railing fanning themselves.

Big Daddy puffed blue smoke out into the dark knight.  “Nothing better than a good cigar and a glass of shine.  Nana would be proud.”

Jackson and Gay clinked their glasses together, “What an experience.  The whole family changed over the death of Nana.  May God rest her soul.”  Gaylord clinked his glass with Big Daddy.

“Yup, Stanley and Peter are hooked by the nuts, you’re working on your salon here in Perlington, Jackson’s well, what are you doing Jackson?”

Jackson puffed his cigar, “I’m planning my next re=enactment with Teddy here, my lifelong dream.”

They rocked in their chairs enjoying the still Mississippi night.  “Ahhh, peace.”  Big Daddy whispered.

There was a bang from inside the house and a chicken went flying by them running to get caught in the wires in the front yard.  The front door slammed.

:I’m outta here.  I can’t take any more chickens.  That’s it.”  Gladys Pelman stomped out into the dark night.

Pinky came out the door slamming behind him.  “Sorry guys.  But I love her.”  He disappeared after her.

The boys heard a faint, “Gladys honey…”

Big Daddy puffed on his cigar and looked over at Gay, “Some things never change…..”

“What in the hell are you doing here?”  Big Daddy asked Andy.

“Did you kill Nana?”  Gladys asked Andy.

“Why would Andy kill Nana then come over and tell us?”  Stanley asked Gladys.

“Because Pinky said that the trap out front would catch Nana’s killer.”  Gladys replied.

“Oh my…” was all Peggy Lou could say.  What this girl really her spawn?

“I am here with information about Nana’s killer.”  Andy said as he pulled his notepad from his back –pocket.  “ Well, we’ve got a little more information about the syringes.”

Everyone in the family looked at each other.  Andy continued, “The syringe found at the home had booze in it.”

“Booze in it?”  Big Daddy asked looking at his martini.

“Why would it have booze in it?”  Gay asked.

Andy looked at his notes, “I was wondering the same thing, see here it says, why booze.  Plus someone came in the pharmacy the other day and bought another case of syringes.  I’m waiting for the pharmacist to call me back to give me a name.  Was it any of you?”

Everyone in the room looked at each other.  “Why would I kill Nana?”  Gladys asked.

“You could use her money to open up another Hoe.”  Andy replied.

“Yeah, you could use the money.”  Peter said.

“Oh please, you and Stanley are working on nuts and cans.  Who needs the money?”

“Yeah, who needs the money more?”  Gay asked.

Andy looked at Gay, “You could use the money to open your own salon in Perlington.  You wouldn’t have to resort to cutting hair in an old chair in the parlor.”

“Yeah, and you were coming into town to visit Nana.”  Jack said while Penepoleigh nodded.

“Let’s not say what money could do for your condom fitness.  I found out that you have several outstanding loans from purchasing and destroying those boats during your re-enactment of Ft. Sumpter.”

“Loans?  Honey what is he talking about?”  Penepoleigh asked her husband.

“It’s just a few little loans.  My new Hammer condom is going to cover all those once I get it to market,”

“Hammer?  Loans?  Jack did you kill Nana?”

“What about Otis, he’s always galavanting around town with his new F150.”

Andy checked his notes, “Otis was pumping the sewage out of the pond out back of his apartment building.  He got caught by the city inspectors, he’s got a few pretty hefty fines to pay.  He could use the money.”

Big Daddy stood up.  “That is enough!”

Andy looked again at his notes, “And you need a new roof on this place.”

Big Daddy slammed his fist onto the table next to him making everyone in the family jump.  When he had everyone’s attention he scanned the room and looked at all the potential suspects, then something occurred to him, “But Nana doesn’t have any money.  She’s busted.”

“She’s not busted.”  Came a small voice from the door.  Everyone turned and Pearl, Nana’s best friend was standing in the door holding a big bag.

“What?  Nana doesn’t have anything.”

Nana came in and set the bag on the table, her shoulders slumped.  “I have to come and tell the truth, it’s ruining my life, it’s ruining my marriage.  I have to set the record straight.  I got stuck in all those wires in the front yard and would’ve been here earlier.”

“The wires?  So you killed Nana?”

Pearl’s shoulders slumped a little more.  “Nana killed Nana.”

There was a gasp and a hush in the room.  “How could Nana kill Nana?  She didn’t get caught in the wires?”  Gladys asked.

“Oh for God’s sake, forget about the wires, honey.”  Peggy Lou said.

Pearl looked at the family, “I can’t let everyone think that someone in this family killed Nana.  She was part of a secret society with me.  The Moonshie Botox Society.”

Bid Daddy put his drink down, “What is that?”

Pearl smiled at the family, “It was Nana’s idea.  She said that since alcohol was a preservative, then why can we just use moonshine to stay young.”

Big Daddy nodded, “I can understand that, if you put something in alcohol it preserves it, and Nana’s moonshine was strong enough to strip paint.  What does that have to do with her death?”

Pearl sighed, “No, Nana thought that we should use the needles to inject the moonshine and that would preserve our face.  It was cheaper than plastic surgery.”

She waited while the family worked around this theory.  Gay asked, “Shine under the skin?”

Pearl continued, “Yes and it worked pretty good.  It gave you almost the same buzz as drinking the shit and it made us look pretty damn good.  Well you know your Nana, if a little made us look pretty good…”

Andy was writing all this down, “Then more would make you look better?”

“Yes, so she wanted to try and up the dose.  She asked me to inject her and it didn’t help that it was after our monthly ‘be beautiful’ party, so we already had a little Shine in us.”

Big Daddy’s hand came to his lips, “Oh no.”

“Yes, she looked at me and said, ‘it’s my time’ and died with a smile on her face.”

There was silence in the room as everyone tried to deal with the news.  Gladys let Pinky put his arm around her, Penepoleigh and Jack were holding onto each other.  Unita had to sit down to nurse her baby. 

“So what’s in the bag?”  Gay asked.

Pearl patted the bag, “It’s your inheritance.”

“What?  Nana didn’t have any money, all she had was confederate money.”  Big Daddy said.

“That’s right.  I felt bad about Nana’s death afterall she did for me, I’m still married to my boy toy because of the MBS and have her to thank for that.  I snuck into the house to get the Moonshine recipe because I needed to keep the MBS going, but all I got was that box full of money.  So I called around some of Jack’s friends and found out that Ted Turner pays big bucks for old Confederate bucks.  So you’ve got a sack of gold bars there I bought with all of Nana’s old money.”

Big Daddy went over and looked in the sack, “Hell, she’s right.  This bag’s full of gold.”

Pearl patted Big Daddy’s hand, “I think that Nana would want this money shared among everyone, with you keeping the house.  There’s enough in there to cover most everyone’s expenses, or to help out a lot with them.”

Everyone took a step toward the bag but Big Daddy held his hand up, “All that money was actually worth something?”

“You’re damn right it is.”  Ted Turner came in behind Pearl.  Jackson fell to his knees, “Oh supreme commander.”

Ted looked at Big Daddy, “Pearl told me the whole story behind this money and I wanted to come and ask you to think about her story.  If you really look at it she didn’t kill Nana, she helped Nana.  And now she’s made you guys rich.”

Pearl looked at Ted, “Yes, Teddy here is taking me to a Braves game in Atlanta.  He wanted to know if you have any other money or collectibles from the war?”

The family looked at each other then scrambled out of the room running to the attic and other rooms of the house.  That left Big Daddy, Peggy Lou, Ted, Pearl and Andy staring at the dust as it settled.

Big Daddy pulled a cigar out of the pocket of his jacket.  “Well, it is getting pretty hot out here.  How about we settle out to the porch for a smoke?”

Ted looked at the Swisher Sweet and grimaced.  He pulled a Cuban cigar out of his pocket.  “I’ll trade you this Cuban cigar rolled on the oily bellys of young Cuban girls for a glass of that Shine Pearl’s been talking about.”

Big Daddy looked at the cigar, then everyone else in the room.  “Teddy you can keep that cheap cigar, we old smoke the good stuff.  Peggy Lou, go behind the toilet in my bathroom and get the good stuff.  We Pelman’s never pass up an opportunity to share a little good will.”

“What is the hell is happening at this house?”  Big Daddy said as the family went back out to the front yard.  Tangled up in fishing wire and barbed wire, Pinky lay on the ground, leaving in his hair.  Toomey is tangled up right beside him.

“Pinky?  What are YOU doing here?”  Gladys asked then she looked over at Toomey, “What are you doing here?”

Jack, Gay and Myrtel go and pull both men out of the wire.  Pinky lunges for Toomey again but the men get in between.  “Pinky, you keep your hands to yourself.  Let’s not get messy here.”

Gladys marched down the steps.  “Pinky did you or Toomey kill my Nana?”

Pinky looked at Gladys, “What?  No, I told you that I didn’t kill Nana.”

“You said that this trap would catch who killed Nana, and it caught you and Toomey.  If you didn’t kill Nana…”  She looked over at Toomey, “TOOMEY, did you kill my Nana?”

Toomey looked around at the family.  “Who’s Nana?”

Gladys walked over to him, “She’s my grandmother.  She was kilt in this house.”

Toomey blanched, “Gladdie honey, I don’t know who you are talking about.  I came because I have something important to ask you.”

The whole family stilled, Pinky turned blood red as Toomey reached in his pocket and pulled out a small black box.  “Honey, I want to proclaim my undying love for you.  I have a promise ring here, I promise to marry you if you let me.”  He opened the box and handed it to Gladys.

Gladys looked down at the box.  “You expect me to wear your Highschool ring?  The only ring I’d wear is Perlington Highschool.”  She looked over at Pinky.  “We are solving a murder here and Pinky said that these wires would catch the killer, so if he didn’t do it then you did.”

Pinky let go his breath, he went over to Gladys, “Honey, we thought it may catch the killer.  This was just a mistake.”

“Yeah, it got me first and I’m not a killer.”  Jackson held up his hand.

“And I fell over them too coming from the car, I’m not a killer.”

Gladys looked confused.  “I thought we were here because we were finding out who killed Nana.”

Peter and Stanley came out with Unita and Pammy each carrying a baby.  “Guys, we have something important to say.”

CHAPTER

The family including Toomey came back into the house and surrounded the brothers in the parlor.  Peter had a white sheen to his face as he started explaining.

“Well, you’s all know that I’ve got a problem with my nuts.  A hairy problem.”

“I don’t need to hear this, Peggy Lou I need a martini!”  Big Daddy patted his wife’s leg, Peggy Lou jumped up and went to the bar as Peter continued on.

“Well I came here hoping to get money from Stanley to put into R&D to get rid of my hair.”

“But you don’t have any hair.”  Penepoleigh said, “There’s nothing there to work with.  Now this do, look at my masterpiece.”  She played Breck girl for the family.

“No, I’m talking about hair on my nuts.  I needed to partner with Stanley otherwise I’d go bankrupt.”  Peter hung his head.

“Peter, you can always tell your mother about your nuts, that’s what family is for.  We can help you massage those nuts.”

Stanley stepped forward, “And I didn’t want to tell anyone that I was in a food fight.”

Unita put the baby in the sling on her shoulder and stepped forward, “What these boys are trying to say is that they were both trying to hide something when they really needed each other.”

“What?”  Gay asked.

“Stanley is being sued for his can, Peter has hairy nuts.  Don’t you see?  Peter’s nuts in Stanley’s can.  It’s perfect.”

Gay scratched his head then fixed his hair, “I’m confused.”

“We put Peter’s nuts in Stanley’s can and to put the bullshit aside, the foul air in there will keep the hair from growing.  Then we massage the nuts in his can and they come out perfect!  I’ve talked to several people in Peter’s R&D department and they think this really can work.”

“Nuts, cans, murder, what kind of family is this?”  Toomey asked, he looked over at Gladys, “Gladys honey, I love you but I’m not so sure about your family.”

Jackson leaned over and whispered to Gay, “She’s getting ready to lower the Hammer.”  He pulled a condom out of his pocket, “I named this one after Gladys.  It’s Penepoleigh’s favorite.”

Gladys stomped over to Toomey and threw the little black box at him.  “Toomey, I don’t listen to any man.  Especially a man that doesn’t like my family.  You need to take that box, wrap it in one of Jack’s condoms and shove it!  I want you to leave right now!”

Toomey bent over and as he picked up the box Gay moved close, he had the Golden Shears in hand.  Myrtel put her hand on his shoulder, “Control honey.  Control.”

The family watched Toomey slink out of the room.  Pinky moved closer to Gladys, “I’m glad you saw reason darling.”

Gladys put her hand up, “Oh no you don’t.  Don’t you come any closer either.  I’m done with men telling me that they love me then telling me they want something from me.  I may be a Hoe, but I’m my own Hoe and I make my own decisions.  You come back to me when you are going to treat me like a real Hoe, when you learn all the pretty words and flowers and everything opposite from ‘Gladys, I hear you are a Hoe, let’s get in the sack.’ You come back to me when you are a gentleman!”

Pinky slinked over into his corner, the family was silent until Peter coughed.  “Uhh, I thought this was about me, you know my nuts.”

Pammy went and put her hand on Peter’s shoulder, “Peter your nuts and Stanley’s can will work.  Unita approached me about this and after talking to R&D and the marketing department, we’re going to market it as ‘Hairless Nuts in A Can – Why eat hairy nuts today when you can have hairless nuts from yesterday!”

Stanley brightened, “I like it.  But what about Spaulding?”

Unita sighed, “I talked with our lawyer and let him get a whiff of the air from your can.  It’s so foul that it’s nothing like the smell from the tennis ball can, he thinks he can get Spaulding to drop the suit.  Especially  when we stop making cupcakes, it’s onto nuts baby!  We’ve got three boys in the family, so there’s plenty of nuts!”

Stanley looked at his brother unsure.  Peter smiled, “Let’s start with my nuts.  Then we’ll come over and work on your nuts.”

Big Daddy held up his martini, “Here’s to nuts and family, they go hand in hand.”

The family held up their drinks.  There was another cough at the door.  They turned and Andy was standing there.

“Who put all that wire in theyard?

“Stanley, what’s going on?”  Big Daddy sat next to Stanley as he stared down at the paper.

“Yeah, what’s going on?”  All elation Peter felt disappeared as he stared at the paper in Stanley’s hand.

“I’m in the middle of a food fight.”  Stanley said morosely.

“A what?”  Gay asked.

Stanley looked at his family, they all looked concerned.  He felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders, he could finally tell the truth.  “I’m being sued.”

“Sued?”  Peter squeaked out.

Stanley put the paper in his pocket.  “I’m getting sued by Spaulding, you know the tennis ball makers.”

“Balls?”  Jack’s ears picked up.

“No, tennis balls.  Spaulding is suing me for my can.”

“Your butt?”  Gay asked.

“No, the can.  The can’s that I make for my cupcakes.  They are saying that I stole their technology for my cupcakes, they are trying to make me stop making my cans.”  Stanley looked over at Peter, “now I have you as a partner, you can help me with the lawyers.  I guess it’s going to trial.”

“What?”  Peter’s face turned white, this wasn’t what he expected.

“That’s why we’re partners right Peter, we’re going to get through this together.  You said we could help each other out.”

Peter stumbled over into a big chair next to Stanley.  “Well….”

“I’m trying to explain to them that the confections sugar blown…”

“Blown?”  Jack couldn’t help but put his arm around Penepoleigh.

“Into the can is different than the air Spaulding uses for their tennis balls.”

“Why didn’t you tell your family, Stanley?”  Big Daddy asked, “We’re here to help you out, you know Peggy Lou and I support you whatever you do.”

Stanley looked around at his family, it was true.  They were rallying around Gay and Golden Shears, getting his own salon going in Perlington.  Big Daddy’s investment to get Jack up was bringing the Prophalactic business along.  Otis was using one of the family’s checking accounts to roll his money through.  The only person that didn’t seem happy was Peter, and now that they were partners

“I didn’t want to tell everyone because I didn’t want you to think I’m a failure.  I can’t believe that they are suing me.  My can’s look totally different than tennis ball cans.”

“They sure do!”  Gay muttered, “Yours look like big boobies.”

“Right, just put the two cupcakes together and….”  Myrtel added.

“Who started this?”  Big Daddy asked.

“My cupcakes ended up at a tennis match when that young girl, you know the one with the really short skirt tried to smash the cupcakes into the other blonde girl’s face.  I guess Spaulding was watching and slapped me with a lawsuit…”

“How much is this gonna cost?”  Peter asked, his complexion waxy.

“I don’t know.  Johnnie Durante told me he wouldn’t bill me until he’d won.”

“Johnny Durante?  The one that got the Perlington Mayor out of the sex for drugs lawsuit?”

“Yes, but he said our wouldn’t last as long, our case is solid.”

“That cost the Mayor over a million dollars…”  Peter whispered, his paper slipping out of his hand to the floor.

“But it’s only half to you Peter.  I’m trying to come up with the other half.  I’ve been talking to an Barbie Doll investor about creating Barbie cupcakes and selling them in a pink can.  We could make a lot of money on that one.”

Peter looked around at his family.  He felt a heavy weight on his shoulders, he looked at Stanley and that weight doubled.  “Stanley, I’m close to bankruptcy.  There’s something wrong with my nuts.”

Everyone looked at his crotch.  “No not my nuts, my peanuts!”

Everyone looked at his crotch again, “Stanley.  I don’t know if I have the money to help you.  I’ve got some kind of growth on my nuts and can’t figure out what’s happening.  No one will eat hairy nuts.”

“No one?”  Peneopleigh looked over at Jack.

Stanley slumped further into the chair, it broke Peter’s heart.  “Stanley, we’re brothers.  We’ll figure this out.”

Big Daddy went over to his boys, he was proud of them.  “Boys, you know that we’re a family.  We’ll help you out any way we can but we can’t go down with you.  You two need to figure out a way to help each other get out of this problem.  Stanley, your cakes look like boobies, now I figure if they look like boobies then there’s a market in Barbie for them, in those catalogs.”

“The ones you get?”  Peggy Lou asked.

“Dammit Peggy, I don’t get those cataloges.  I don’t know how they keep showing up in our mailbox. “

“I know some of those catalogs, they are part of the business.”  Jack added, “I can try contacting some of my people to see if they can advertise or something.”

“There ya go boy, see Jack will work it until it’s up where we want it to be.  Now Peter, you need to play with your nuts and see why they are hairy.”

“I’m had all kinds of scientists looking at my nuts.  They can’t figure out why they’s hairy.”

“There’s a reason they are hairy, and there’s a reason you are partners with Stanley.  Damned if I know.  But you two boys need to work each other.”

“I think we can help.”  The family looked and there was Unita and Pammy standing in the door, the kids strapped into a big red daycare center stroller.  Unita pushed the stroller into the room, detatched a baby from her breast and placed it in Pammy’s hands.  “Boys, we are going into the dining room.  Pammy and I have come up with an idea and we need to talk about this like we are a family.”

Both of the men looked at their wives, not really sure what to say.  The family stood there stunned not moving until all the kids started crying at once.  Unita picked the baby back up, put her in the snugli and gestured to her husband.  “Stanley, we need to talk now.”

Stanley got up from the chair, Peter didn’t move.  Pammy looked at her husband, “Poopie Pie, it’s good.  Really.”  Peter got up and followed the chorus of voices from the room.

Big Daddy looked around the room at the family.  “Well, we expected to catch a murderer but we caught two cheaters before they went bad.  What else could happen?”

Famous last words as there was a lot of banging from outside and cussing, drawing the family to the porch.

Gay, Penepoleigh, Myrtel and Jack were all on a different mission.  They let Andy take all the evidence because there really wasn’t much more to be learned from a brick.  They planned on the “next” by putting fishing wire outside the house in various places in front of windows in case the person came back to break another window.  Myrtel put bricks by the trees hoping to draw the killer closer to the fishing wire, I mean, they will be looking for a brick to throw right?  Jack and Penepoleigh disappeared behind the wood shed with smiles on their faces perhaps working on their own plan.  Gay and Myrtel met up on the porch of the mansion and settled into the rockers, proud of their work.

“You’ve got three appointments lined up for tomorrow morning.  One of Penny’s friends said she wants the burn treatment too.”

Gay rocked in the chair, “Sounds like tomorrow will be a good day.  The burn treatment, now that’s pretty funny.”

Myrtel rocked in time with him, “Yup, AND I’ve called the Perlington Gazette and they want to do a story about you getting your own chair in our little town.”

“Really?  A story about me?”

“Local boy makes it big then brings it back home to Perlington.  I can see it now.  We can’t really talk about the Shears OK.”

“Fine baby, I’m sorry about pitching a fit about cutting the fishing line with the Shears.  They are not meant for that.”

“I know, I just wasn’t happy about the long walk back to the house to get some regular scissors.”

And so it went through the day until evening settled and the family gathered for dinner and in two families hopes, the catching of a killer.

The family settled in the parlor, the cooler weather keeping them from the porch.  Otis and Mabel were off to Baton Rouge to settle on their latest apartment building.  Otis informed the family that he couldn’t help with Nana’s killer as the Section 8 people were demonstrating outside the realtors office calling him a “slum Lord!”  He was busy trying to turn the electricity off to force the last rent controlled tenants out of the building.  No, he wasn’t a slum lord, it wasn’t a slum yet.

Myrtel and Gay moved Gay’s chair from the middle of the room and put all of his beauty products to the side out of the way of prying hands.  Gladys sat next to Big Daddy stealing a look outside the window periodically looking for Pinky.  Big Daddy swirled the vodka on the rocks in his glass thinking about how Nana enjoyed her shine and how much he missed her.  Gay promised that most of his questions would get answers tonight and part of him was a little afraid that would happen.  Peggy Lou sat the pimento cheese and crackers on a table next to the jello ring that Myrtel was thoughtful enough to make.  Cheese and crackers rounded out the appeteasers table while they waited for Gay to make his speech.

Gay was waiting for his plan to produce when he heard some cussing coming  from the front of the house through the open parlor window.  “We now have the murderer of Nana Pelman!”  He announced and went out of the room followed by startled Pelmans.  Gay went through the front door and found Jack getting leaves out of his hair while Penepoleigh was pulling leaves from her polyester pants.

Gladys was shocked, “Jack are you the murderer?”

Jack looked up at the family staring at him, “What?  What the hell?  Hell no, I’m not the murderer.”

“Murderer, my baby ain’t no murderer.”  Penepoleigh pulled the last of the burr from the butt of her pants.

Jack was still trying to fix his hair, his beard held a brown leaf.  “Me and Penny, well, we wanted a little alone time before this shindig, and I had the new prototype and well…”

“Who’s put all those booby traps out in the woods!”  Penepoleigh demanded, “I damn near bit….you can’t put wires in the woods without telling people.”

“Yup, that’s just not right.”  Jack added his face red.

Gay looked at the family.  “We put those wires out there because we think that the killer will come back to the scene of the crime.  They always do on Criminal Minds, that’s when they catch them.  We never thought, “  he looked at Jack and Penepoleigh, “that you two be running around in the woods like teenagers.”

“Pinky’s running  through them woods.”  Gladys remarked looking out into the dark trees, “What if he gets hurt?”

Gay looked at her, “Pinky’s on the lam, if he’s smart he’s already crossed the border into Georgia.”

Gladys shrugged, “Let’s hope.”

Gay took the family back inside, Stanley and Peter will still deep in conversation in the parlor, “You two didn’t go out?  Don’t you care who killed Nana?”

Stanley and Peter looked up at Gay, “Sorry brother, we had important things to talk about.”  Peter had several papers sitting in his back pocket with a big smile on his face.

The family settled into the parlor, some walking around the appeteaser table sampling the jello ring.  Big Daddy settled back with his drink, upset that the whole fiasco out front made the ice cubes melt faster than he expected.  “Peggy Lou, get me another drink!”  Peggy Lou fluttered over to Big Daddy and took his watered drink.  “Sweetie do you want another, Jack brought some shine.”

 Big Daddy’s mood brightened immediately.  “Bring the shine on baby.  Bring the shine.”

Peggy Lou left to refresh his drink, Gay came over to talk to Big Daddy.  “Sorry Big Daddy, I thought my trap would catch a killer not two people who think they’s still kids.”

Big Daddy laughed, “Gay, there’s things that happen in those woods that you just don’t want to know.”  He looked over at Peggy Lou as she put ice cubes in the drink.  “Yup things you don’t want to know.”

There was a loud bang and more cussing from the front lawn of the Pelman mansion.  Gay looked up trying to figure out if he recognized the voice,  he didn’t.  “Man, can’t anyone walk to the mansion using the sidewalk!”

The family followed him out the front door to find a young man standing holding some chicken wire.  “We were setting a trap to catch a killer, are you Nana’s killer?”

The young man looked confused, “No, I’m the UPS man.”

“ups?  What does ups mean?”  Penepoleigh asked.

Gay looked over at her, did he burn her brain with the chemicals, “UPS, the delivery man.  Let me have it.”

The boy looked at Gay, “I’ve got a delivery for Stanley Pelman.  Are you Stanley Pelman?”

Gay looked behind him toward the parlor, “No, but I can take it for him.”

The boy looked determined, “No this is receipt delivery, Stanley Pelman has to sign for it.”  He looked around the family nervously, as if waiting for the shotgun to come out.

Stanley came out of the house looking confused.  “How did you know I was here, the only person I told I was coming to Perlington was Unita, did she send me some love.”  Peter followed Stanley.

The boy walked up to Stanley and slapped a piece of paper in his hand.  “You’ve just been served.”

Jackson’s Hummer squealed to a stop as it spit gravel towards the house.  He threw the truck into park and jumped out of the car forgetting to turn it off.  As his Hummer slowly moved forward he jumped back in the car threw it into park and left it running into the mansion.

He ran past a very pretty blonde girl in his hurry to make sure his dear Penny wasn’t hurt by the rock.  He liked to have the police scanner on in his workroom because it was more exciting to listen to then the Golden Oldies station.  He’d heard about a brick through a window, possible woman down then the address of the Pellman Mansion.    First Nana, then someone trying to kill Gay, Myrtel and his beloved.  He didn’t have time to change from the job, the tall rubber boots squeaking on the wood floor of the mansion.  Back in the kitchen, he came across Andy, Myrtel and Gay looking at the window and a single brick sitting on the kitchen table with a piece of crumpled paper next to it.  Oh God, had Penny been hit by the brick?  Was she on her way to the hospital?    Where was she?  Maybe she’s in the parlor, he knocked another woman out of the way on his run into the parlor looking for his wife.  Not finding her there his eyes started to burn from either tears or the latex he was stirring when his cell phone rang.

He was grabbed by the same pretty girl as he whirled around to start calling hospitals to find his beloved.

“Honey, what are you doing here?”  Her deep voice made him stop.

Jack looked closely at the pretty blonde and recognized green eyes and full lips.  His hand came up to touch her hair as he pulled her lips to his.  Time for him stopped and things went silent as he made sure this vision he’d passed twice in the house was actually his wife.  He pulled back and looked at her again.

“Pen?”

Penny was trying to catch her breath.  She spent an hour after the brick back in Gay’s golden hands while he repaired what everyone thought was too much time in the curlers.  Penepoleigh teared up when Gay took some of the curlers out and quite a bit of hair came with them.  He saw her tears and reached into his pocket and pulled out the Shears.  “Penny, don’t worry.  Everything happens for a purpose, let’s see what magic the Shears can do with you hair.”

When Gay was finished she was pleasantly surprised.  He’d taken all the curlers out and stopped to walk around her twice touching her hair here and there.  He stood for a minute in the corner of the room, held his Shears in his hands and closed his eyes.  Penepoleigh started to say something buy Myrtel held up her hand, “He’s envisioning.”  She mouthed.  Penepoleigh sat there silent, wondering if she was gonna be bald after all of this.

Gay opened his eyes and all look of uncertainty was gone.  The Shears glinted in the sunlight as he held the up over Penepoleigh’s head.  He reminded her of Norman Bates from Psycho but he was her brother so she had to trust him.  She closed her eyes as the Shears descended and she listened for over an hour as he snipped, then blew her.  He used Humectant, he used stimulant, he used conditionant, he finished with Polishing spray.  He went to get a mirror and told Penepoleigh to close her eyes.

When she opened them, she wasn’t sure who was staring back at her.  She smiled and the stranger in the mirror smiled, she winked at the mirror and the stranger in the mirror winked at her.  Her brownish hair now had a golden blonde tint to it, her hand came up to touch it.

“I didn’t realize that it was bleaching while curling the hair, I’ll have to use that formula again.  Came out pretty nice.”  He patted his Shears then put them back in his pocket.

Penepoleigh wasn’t sure if she liked the new do or not, but now with the way Jack just reacted, she liked it very much.  “What are you doing here?”

Jack was still staring at his wife, her pinch on his arm brough him back to the present.  “I heard on the police scanner about the brick.  I heard that a woman was down.”

Penepoleigh laughed, even her laugh sounded different with this new haircut.  Now she understood why so many women flocked to Gay’s studio.  Yes, he’d make a killing on his own if he could do this to her hair after the perm burned most of it.  She felt like a movie star and it didn’t look that hard to keep the do up, she just needed humectants and all that other shit Gay used.  “No one got hurt honey.  We’re OK.”

Jack and Penny went back to the kitchen where Gay and Myrtel were answering questions from Andy.  Andy looked over at Jack, “And where were you this afternoon Mr. Pelman.”

Jack pointed down to the lime green latex dried to his boot.  “I was perfecting my recipe for green apple hummer.  Do you want a sample?”  He pulled two plastic bags from the pocket of his jacket.

Andy turned beet red, “Uh no.  Thank you.  Do you have anyone that can vouch that you were uh…”

“Creating artwork in my laboratory?  Trying to merge the flavors of green apple with watermelon to a condom you want to eat?”  He tried to laugh like a mad scientist.  “Yes, the mailman came by to give me my publisher’s clearing house letter.”  He looked over to Penepoleigh, “We didn’t win Baby, maybe next time.”

Penepoleigh frowned, “Oh well, there’s always the lotto.”

Andy was writing in his notebook.  “So the brick came through that window.”  He pointed to the only busted window in the kitchen.  All three looked at him incredulously.  “And this note was on it.  He rewrote in his notebook what the note said.  “And you called me.  Do you know who threw the note?”

“Uh no.  That’s why we called you.”

Andy looked at the note again, “Well Pinky Pelman is still out in the woods.  Do you think he threw the note?”

Gay looked at the window, “I don’t know, but he could have.”

***

Gladys was lying in her bed trying to get some much needed sleep.  She tried to close her eyes but all she could see was Pinky jumping out the window.  Gladys was a woman torn.  She rolled over in her bed and sitting on the nightstand beside her bed was a large vase of red roses.  The card lie opened next to the flowers.

To a woman who’s prettier than these blooms.  Don’t make me cry like the thorns.  Love Toomey

She rolled away from the vase and looked at her window shade, the same shade she used to write notes to Pinky on.  Gladys sighed.  What would she do if Pinky was a murderer?  She’d have to kill him for killing her Nana.  Then she’d end up in the women’s jail and get pregnant by the jailer and have the baby in jail.  Wait a minute, pull those thoughts back.  She’d have to marry Toomey, he’s a nice guy, a little fat, but he can flip a hoe faster than any flipper at the restaurant.  They’d make a good couple, even if she couldn’t wear her heels.  But she couldn’t wear heels pregnant in jail.

There was some movement outside her window, that had Gladys pull her blanket up to her nose and peek there.  She wouldn’t be able to get pregnant in jail, she’s getting ready to get killed right there in bed by Nana’s murderer.  She watched as the window slowly opened, her breath caught in her throat fear preventing her from screaming.  She listened to the footsteps and it was the familiarity of those footsteps that had her sitting up in bed.

“Pinky Pelman, is that you?”

He fell to the floor, surprised at the sound of her voice.  “I thought you were sleeping.”  Pinky came up on his knees and looked down the bed at Gladys.

“How could I sleep when I was wondering if you’d been eaten by a gator or something.”

“You were worried about me?”  Pinky asked winking at her.

Gladys was stuck, she couldn’t admit that she was worried about him.  “Oh no.  I mean, I didn’t want you to die or anything.”

Pinky crawled up on the bed and lay over the covers next to her.  “You’re wearing Jimmy’s Chicken Shack T-shirt.”  He said as he played with the sleeve of the shirt.

Gladys slapped his hand away.  “Pinky Pelman, you are a man on the lam, the last thing you need to be worrying about is this shirt.”  She wasn’t going to let him know that his touch made her heart speed up.  “Why did you run away?”

“I can’t find Nana’s murderer if I’m stuck in jail, now can I?”  He looked over at the flowers, he frowned.  “Who are these from.”

“None of your business.”  Gladys tried to grab the card out of the Pinky’s hand.

“Don’t hurt me like the thorns?  Really, should I cry now.  Why do you have these sitting her from that louse.”

“They’re beautiful.  I love flowers.”  She took the card from him and put it on the other night stand.

“You like the wild flowers I pick you, not these types of flowers.”

“How would you know what I like, you dropped out of my life over a year ago.”  Gladys answered folding her arms.

Pinky stopped for a minute and looked at her.  “I seem to remember a young girl telling me to get lost.”  He said quietly.

Gladys stared at him, trying to find that memory in the back of her mind.  “Well it doesn’t matter now, I’m not going to see you only on congival visits.  At least Toomey is looking at life in prison.”

Pinky frowned.  “I’m not looking at life in prison either.  I didn’t kill Nana, you gotta believe me.”

Gladys sat up and fluffed her pillow, she looked over at the window shade and remember how her heart beat wildly when she wrote yes and left the window down.  Deep down she knew that Pinky didn’t do it.  Now he was on the lam and she knew if he asked her to go with him, she’d have a hard time saying no.  “Who do you think did it?”

Pinky moved at the end of the bed and sat next to Gladys up top.  “I don’t know.  Has Gay come up with anything?”

“Gay told me that someone was buying needles at the Pharmacy, the same ones that killed Nana.”

Pinky was quiet.

“He said that your name was on them.  Were you buying needles?”

“I don’t need any needles.  I’ve got roosters.”

“I know that,”  Gladys sighed, “Andy then said that they have someone on tape saying that you did it.”

Pinky folded his arms, “Well are you going to trust a voice or trust me?”

Gladys sighed and let Pinky put his arm around her, “I guess I trust you.”

“Well, I have any idea on how to catch the killer.”

“Really?  What do you think we should do?”

Pinky let Gladys lie on his chest, “We’ll walk around town today saying that the Pelman Family was gathering at the mansion tomorrow night because they know who killed Nana.”

“But we don’t know who killed Nana.”

“I know that, but the killer doesn’t know that.”

“How would the killer know that we didn’t kill Nana.”

Pinky took a deep break, “Gladys honey, let me slow down a little bit.  We’re saying that we know who the killer is, and the killer know who they are, right?”

Gladys felt really confused now, “Right…”

“Well the killer will have to show to see if we know who the killer is, then we got em!”  Pinky looked very proud of himself.

“How do we get them?”  Gladys asked still trying to follow his logic.

“I’ll be waiting in the woods and I’ll jump them when they come to the house.”

“Oh, you’ll rooster their ass, right?”

What if he made her look like a movie star and her friends didn’t recognize her?  What if they thought she was hoity toity and didn’t want to sit around the campfire with her?  She closed her eyes as she heard more snips from the Shears.  She could always hang with Myrtel is she became hoity toity.  \

“Now Gay, you know that I need hair that I can pull back when I’m on the job.”  Peneopleigh was a professional lumber jack, she knew that if she had to put hairspray in her hair it’d attract the bees out in the woods!

“Don’t worry honey.  It’s a simple and classic look I’m going for, you’ll love it.”  He snipped again, stopped and looked at her, then snipped again.  “I really needed this, I feel a sense of calm, like I can actually stop and think about things.”

Gay walked around Peneopleigh and snipped a few more times.  He stopped and put the shears into this pocket and pulled out the permanent box.  Peneopleigh snuck at peek at the box, “What is that?” 

He opened a bag of big pink curlers, “We’re going to give you a perm.”

“A perm, what does that do?”

“It will curl your hair.”

“Now Gay, I don’t know if you’re looking at me hair, but it’s plenty curly as it is.”  She shook her head to show him her curls.

“I know sweetie, but this will define them more.  Trust me.”

Penepoleigh signed, “Well you are the hairdresser.”

Gay started putting together the chemicals, his mind around what he wanted to do with Penny’s hair, the murder of Nana.  “You know Penny, isn’t it strange that someone killed Nana with a needle?”

“Why do you say that?”

“I mean, when I watch all those CSI TV shows, they use guns, or knives, never needles.  It’s strange that someone used needles.”

He brushed out her hair and pulled a tray of rollers close to them.  Myrtel came into the room her high heels clicking on the wood floor.

“How are you two doing here?”  She unwrapped the pink leather coat and draped it on a couch to the side of the room then sank into the couch.

“Oh we’re doing great.  I’m putting a controlling perm in right now.”

Myrtel took out her phone and took a picture of them.  “That’s great Gay, you look right at home here.”

He picked up a curler, “I feel good.  Probably because I’m got my fingers in the Shears again.  It always settles me when I can run my fingers through someone’s hair.”  His finger got caught on one of Penepoleigh’s curls.

“Oww!  I’m not just somebody, I’m your sister!”

Myrtel was busy typing something into her phone.  “Yes, this is what you need honey.  I’m putting the picture of you back to work on Facebook, on your fan page  Let everyone know you are working again.”

Gay started rolling Penepoleigh’s hair.  “I was just thinking how unusual it was that Nana was killed by a needle.”

Myrtel put her phone down.  “I know, and that she had a smile on her face when she died.  I guess you could say that she knew her killer, right?”

“I still can’t believe that Pinky did it.  Did they find him yet?”  Penepoleigh pointed her head down as gay started rolling the back of her head.

Gay paused for a minute, “I still don’t think Pinky did it, it just doesn’t feel right.”

“Why would Pinky have needles in his house then?”

“That’s a really good question.  I guess that’s why the police are looking for him.”  Gay turned the chair.  “They’ll never find him.  You can’t find a bayou boy if he doesn’t want to be found.”

“How’s Gladys taking all of this?”  Myrtel asks, as she checks her phone again.  “Gay, you’re not gonna believe it.  Someone created a I Love Gay Fan Page and it has over 300 members, I just got an email from someone here in Perlington that wants to schedule an appointment.”

Gay stopped what he was doing, he could have sworn the Shears vibrated in his pocket.  “Really?  Someone wants an appointment?”

Myrtel was furiously typing on her phone, “Yup, I just sent them an email back to schedule.”

“Who would make than fan page?”  Gay asked.

“Honey, your fans.  You’ve been under Ralston for too long.  Now that you are on your own, you’ll see that everyone loves your style.”  She looked down at her phone, “It’s a women named Beulah and she wants a hair cut tomorrow morning.”

“Beaulah?  Never heard of her.”  Gay looked around at the parlor.  “We could start here and then see how it goes.”

“Great!  I think you are going to be so happy on your own.  You don’t have to listen to anyone else telling you what to do, you are in charge of who’s hired and fired at your salon.”

Gay was mixing up the color treatment, “I feel like I am going in the right direction.  I’m getting back to my roots.”

Myrtel got up and started toward the door,  “I gotta go and check something on the computer.  I’ll come back in a few minutes to see how beautiful you’ve made Penny.”

“Hmmpf, I’m not so sure about this,”  Penny sighed.

“Honey, I bet when Gay’s done with you, you’ll want to go up against me in the Jr. Miss Perlington Competition again.”

Her heels clicked as she left the room.  Gay was applying the mixture to Penepoleigh’s hair.  “Beating her in the Jr. Miss?  PUhleeze.”

Gay laughed, “Yup, no one compares with my honey when it comes to strutting her stuff.  I can vouch for that.  Boy it would be a contest now wouldn’t it.”

“Well I certainly wouldn’t wear the peasant style dress while Myrtel finds her old hookers outfit.  How could a judge see me with her boobs hanging all over the place.  I mean, I made my dress myself, wasn’t that showing talent?”

“Well, Myrtel’s talent….well….”

“We needed some women on that panel of judges, that’s what we needed.  She wouldn’t get so many points if there were a few women on that panel.”

Gay stopped for a minute.  “Did someone walk by outside?”

Myrtel’s ears were burning as she walked down the hallway to the computer.  She looked both ways then sat at the machine and did a few searches.  She got out her phone and made a call.

“Hello?”

“Unita, it’s Myrtel.”

“Honey, I’ve been waiting for your call.  I researched Peter’s nuts and there’s a few stories about hair outbreak at his factory.”

“OK, so you found the same stuff I did, I think Peter’s in a bit of trouble.”

“That’s why I’m worry about him getting Stanley to sign something.  We’re opening our fifth Bubba’s BBQ next week and it’s taking all the extra money we have.”

“I know honey, the papers I have are documents naming Stanley as a partner in the Pusser Peanut Operation.”

“What!  What is he thinking!”  A baby started crying in the background.

“I have the only copy, so I probably could just burn it and Peter’s starting from scratch again.”  She patted her purse.

“Myrtel, we can’t afford this right now.  With…..”

“Don’t worry honey, I’ve got an idea and think we can settle this thing pretty quickly.  Here’s what I think we need to do.”

Gay was wrapping Penepoleigh’s hair in Saran Wrap when they heard a crash come from the kitchen.  Everyone ran to the back of the house to find a brick sitting in the middle of the kitchen with paper wrapped around it.  Penepoleigh started toward the brick when Gay pushed her back against the wall.

“Hold on, we don’t want you to get hit with another brick,”  Gay pushed both women against the wall.  He did his yoga crouch, back straight as he walked crab style into the kitchen.  The brick was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, white paper wrapped around it with a rubber band.  Gay was able to use his sun dog yoga pose to reach other to get the brick while not putting any part of his body in front of the window the brick came through.

The three crowded around  as Gay unwrapped the paper from the brick.  He opened to scraggily chicken scratch.  “Your best?”  He looked up at Myrtel.

Myrtel took the paper and turned it around.  “It says, you’re next, honey.”

“Next for what?”  Penepoleigh asked.

Myrtel looked at the paper, “I don’t know, another brick?”

“Or maybe we’re broken glass, like that’s supposed to happen next.”

Both women looked at Gay then decided to keep their mouths shut.  Myrtel pulled out her phone, “We need to call Andy about this.”

“Wait a minute!”  Gay held up his hand before she dialed the number.

“What?”  Myrtel asked.

“Maybe we should wait for the ‘next’ then we can catch the person doing this.”

“Catch the next?”  Penepoleigh said, “I’m confused.”

“When the next comes, the person that did the first will do the next, and we’ll be there to catch them like we didn’t at the first.”  Gay explained.

“Huh?”

“I get it honey, we wait and see if they come back to the scene of the crime.”  Myrtel said, “I should call my production crew, I want them to be on call so I can get this on tape.”

“Do you smell something burning?”

Myrtel and Gay sniffed the air.  They didn’t smell something burning, but something did smell strange.  It was familiar, he couldn’t put his finger on it.  He watched Peneopleigh scratch her head.  Oops!

“No, I don’t smell anything burning, but we need to finish up your style.  He started pushing Penepoleigh toward the door.  “Myrtel, bring that paper with you.”

They walked back into the parlor to Gay’s chair but something was different about the room.  It wasn’t the smell coming from Penepoleigh’s head, it was something else.  They looked around the room.

“Did the chair move?”

“No, wait, where are my shears?”

Gay felt around his back pocket, they were there sitting comfortably, he sighed in relief.  What was different.

Myrtel was first to pick up on it, her TV sense had her expertly taking inventory of the room.  “Nana’s Treasure Box is Gone!”